Tuesday 1 December 2009

Up date your blog more...

This is the instruction that my mate gave me on Sunday and I know it is true.

I am on a huge rollacoster ride at the moment.

I go to spin training or kayaking and I'm on top of the world.  My race is on.  I can do this.

Then a matter of hours later I'm in the depths of dispare and worry.  I see 3am, 4am, 5am or all of them.  So much is going round my head that it drives me insane.  The distractions, in no particular order, go like this..
  • Can I do this?  Will I enjoy it?  Will I ruin my 2 month sabbatical by racing?  Will I ruin my 2 month sabbatical by not racing?
  • What am I going to do with my bike whilst I'm travelling?  Shall I take my bike or shall I try to get one locally?  It is a bit late to hire one now so can I borrow one?
  • Bike bags
  • Boilers
  • Can I rent my spare room out whilst I'm gone to help with my mortgage?  Will my flat be ok if I rent my spare room out to a stranger?
  • What to do with my mortgage?  Do I fix in again or do let it switch to the standard variable and hope that the interest rates on the fixed mortgages don't go up too much before I fix in?
  • Have I done enough kayaking?  Enough kayaking in the right kind of boat?  Can I lie on my kayak certificate and say that I did the test in a boat similar to my race boat?
  • I've not run in weeks.  Can I get away with some intensive run training over Christmas?  Does it matter as long as I'm fit after all it is 20 miles over boldery river beds.  I'll probably be safer going at a slower pace and not risking injuring myself.  Oh hell, what happens if I get injured?
  • If I pull out, will I disappoint my friends who have put in so much of their time helping me get to the starting line?
  • Will I have a support team?  Will it all fall into place for the start, or will it not and I loose my £375 entrance fee?
The list goes on and on.

I know how to stop the worrying.  It is to be proactive.  I keep a notebook and pen by my bed to write down my concerns so I don't then stay awake worrying about forgetting what I was worrying about!  I try and cross off something off of my list every day.  Keep moving forward every day.

The crazy thing is that I know I can do this.  I know I can do anything I set my mind to. 

If only I can just shut off these damn worries, get it sorted, get some sleep.

1 comment:

Penny said...

Hi Sarah
Just look at what you have already achieved when you're doubting yourself - then give yourself a good talking to and get on with it!!
Went for my first run last week since getting here. Holy crap the hills are brutal! Will race you when I get back to see how much fitter I can get in this heat. Might even buy a bike and challenge Alex but that may be pushing it a bit!
From Penny x