Saturday's kayaking trip

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This is the instruction that my mate gave me on Sunday and I know it is true.

I am on a huge rollacoster ride at the moment.

I go to spin training or kayaking and I'm on top of the world.  My race is on.  I can do this.

Then a matter of hours later I'm in the depths of dispare and worry.  I see 3am, 4am, 5am or all of them.  So much is going round my head that it drives me insane.  The distractions, in no particular order, go like this..

• Can I do this?  Will I enjoy it?  Will I ruin my 2 month sabbatical by racing?  Will I ruin my 2 month sabbatical by not racing?
• What am I going to do with my bike whilst I'm travelling?  Shall I take my bike or shall I try to get one locally?  It is a bit late to hire one now so can I borrow one?
• Bike bags
• Boilers
• Can I rent my spare room out whilst I'm gone to help with my mortgage?  Will my flat be ok if I rent my spare room out to a stranger?
• What to do with my mortgage?  Do I fix in again or do let it switch to the standard variable and hope that the interest rates on the fixed mortgages don't go up too much before I fix in?
• Have I done enough kayaking?  Enough kayaking in the right kind of boat?  Can I lie on my kayak certificate and say that I did the test in a boat similar to my race boat?
• I've not run in weeks.  Can I get away with some intensive run training over Christmas?  Does it matter as long as I'm fit after all it is 20 miles over boldery river beds.  I'll probably be safer going at a slower pace and not risking injuring myself.  Oh hell, what happens if I get injured?
• If I pull out, will I disappoint my friends who have put in so much of their time helping me get to the starting line?
• Will I have a support team?  Will it all fall into place for the start, or will it not and I loose my £375 entrance fee?

The list goes on and on.

I know how to stop the worrying.  It is to be proactive.  I keep a notebook and pen by my bed to write down my concerns so I don't then stay awake worrying about forgetting what I was worrying about!  I try and cross off something off of my list every day.  Keep moving forward every day.

The crazy thing is that I know I can do this.  I know I can do anything I set my mind to. 

If only I can just shut off these damn worries, get it sorted, get some sleep.

I can do this!

I must remember, I can do anything I set my mind to.

Recently I have been plagued by a bad back and a heavy, chesty cold that have run alongside a busy November the 5th season.  All this has meant that my training has really suffered and with that my confidence.

I must jump back on my bike, run in the hills and try not to swim in a river with a positive mind that I can do it!

Commitment

What does it mean to be committed to something?

Over the last few weeks, I have been told that I am lacking in commitment.  I am not totally sure if it is meant to be tongue in cheek or not.  It has got me thinking.

I have decided that I am committed to many things but each has its priority compared to the other and that order of priority changes when necessary.

My commitments as I see them, in no order:

• Family.  What can I say?  They mean the world to me.  We are too far apart.  We are different.
• Friends.  I believe in the saying that your friends are the family you chose.  I don't have many close friends but I wouldn't change those I have for the world.
• Fireworks.  When I work on a fireworks display I feel like I can be myself, warts and all.  I feel valued and part of a team.  At times I can be feminine and at other times a work horse but always me.  Don't get me wrong, sometimes it is just plain horrible  but of course, you also get to blow stuff up!
• Venture Scotland.  I am very loyal to my work and colleagues at Venture Scotland.  I am perhaps their biggest critic but I am also a staunch supporter.
• Partner.  When in a relationship with someone, I seem to loose a bit of myself.  I become overly dependent on them.  I try to please them, do what I think is right for them.  This isn't always right for me.  Other times when I look after me, I feel guilty for having done so.  I have yet to find the right balance between time focused on my partner, time focused on us and time focused on me.  I live in hope that next time I get it right.
• Myself.  I am a big critic of myself.  I don't accept praise nearly as well as I accept criticism.  I remember and dwell on the critics but seem unable to glory in praise.  I am always look out for self improvement.  None of us are so great that we can not be better.

Over the past seven months I have been much more focused on myself.  I am learning to look after number one. Doing the things I want to do.  I have not been the best Sister, Daughter or Aunt.  I have not been the best friend.  This does not sit well on me, I don't enjoy it and I feel guilty about it but it is needed.

As for lacking in commitment?  I don't think so.  Instead I over commit.  Try to please too many people, be in too many places, do too much stuff.  Not doing any of it as well as I would like.  I always end up upsetting other people, and myself, when the balance goes wrong.

It is time to step back and have a look around.  Re-prioritize.

Sunrise

This morning I woke at 5.45am.  After hiding under the pillow for a while trying to go back to sleep I decided that, as I was awake, I should get up and go for my run.  This oppossed to getting another hours sleep then rushing around trying to get the right stuff ready, faffing and probably arriving at work late having not run as far as I would have liked!

So I left the house in the dark at about 6.30am.  The sky was rapidly beginning to lighten so I didn't need a head torch, but it wont be long.  After a couple of miles along the flat I entered Holyrood Park from the Duddingston entrance and took an immediate right.  This route, new to me, took me up lots of uneven stairs to the top road round Arthur's Seat.  I got 2/3 up the stairs and stopped, rested then finished them off then followed this up with a steep hill to the road.

I stopped again and turned to look at the view.  It was stunning.  The horizen was bathed in rose coloured light.  There was just enough light to see the city stretched out below but the street lights were also still on.  It really looked like half day and half night.  Very pretty.

I turned once more to face the hill.  I ran to the top of the grass section stopping twice to 'look at the view'/get my breath back.  THe hoizen was getting more and more beautiful as the depth of pinks, roses and oranges grew.  I thought, if I get a wriggle on, I may make it to the top for sunrise.  It was going to be tough.  It was going to be touch and go.

I dug down and stode on up.  Running isn't so possible at the top as you I need to use my hands to scramble up.  I stopped to check out the sunrise regularly, hoping to catch the sun break the horizen where ever I got to.

I made it to the top!  Three others were buried deep in their winter jackets waiting for the splendor to being.  I sat down with my arms wrapped around me to keep warm, and watched.

Sunrise is truely one of the most beautiful times of the day and today was no exception.

The big ball of fire suddenly burst over the horizen.  The underside of the clouds were bathed in reds, oranges, yellows and pinks and every shade in between.  The sun slowly rose from its night time slumber filling our hearts with joy and awe.  Blinding us and burning off any negativity to start the day fresh and new.

I didn't stay to watch the sun duck under its daytime cover of cloud.  I was getting chilly.  But I was smiling to myself all the way, still bathed in the joy.

What a great start to the day.

Paying for it!

The problem with having a break from training; and then having a great first day; is the risk that you may push your self harder than you should in your enthusiasm to be back.  The consequences are that you hurt the next day.

Yup, that is me today.  My quads and calves are really sore.

A risk of getting sore so early in training is that you then take a day or so off to recover!

I didn't do this and I'm very proud of myself.

This morning I went out on my bike with the intention of cycling two 5 mile time trials.  I headed out to the start of the course, about 6.5 miles, feeling particularly stiff and wondering if I could just go for a ride instead.  I persevered with the first 5 miles though I hurt and didn't feel like I was going very quick.  Indeed, I only averaged 17.4 mph.  Through out those 5 miles I was wondering if I could cut it short, if I could maybe just cycle back easily or maybe head to the coast instead.  After a bit of a spin I gave myself a good talking too and turned around to start the second 5 miles.  This was helped by the fact that the course was not flat.  It is slightly more uphill on the way out and therefore slightly down hill on the way back.  Sure enough, though it still hurt, my average on the return leg was 19.4 mph.  I took it real easy cycling home!

I'm dead chuffed that I did the session and didn't bail out.  May the good motivation continue as the nights draw in.

No kayaking tonight

I pitched up at the swimming pool tonight for the regular pool session but unfortunately they only had two boats.  I hung about for a bit and then headed home.  The pool sessions very much rely on people bringing their boats with them only tonight there were lots of new people and therefore no boats.  Never mind, it gave me an evening in to write some thank you emails to the fab people who sponsored me in Antwerp.

Training starts again

I have found it hard to get back into training.  My bodyclock was changed over the summer with log work hours and lots of socialising.  I was finding it hard to make that first step out the door for anything other than kayaking or my commute cycle to work.  Today I changed that.

   

Today I headed to Arthurs Seat on leisurely run to work.  I took the slightly longer, flatter route that meant I was more warmed up by the time I got to the park.  On a commute to work, I usually go down the hill but today I went up.  My destination was the top!

I got 2/3 of the way up, the start of the rocks and decided that that was enough for day one so I stopped to take some photo's.

This was the bit I didn't do and some more hills to do another day on my commute to work.

( I live behind this one)

However... after taking my photo's I had got my breath back and loosened my legs off a bit.  So I went for the top, half walking, half running, half scrambling (Oops, too many half's!).

This was the view I was rewarded with.  What a great first day back!

My summer of bangs is over... phew - part 3

After 4 weeks that included Antwerp 70.3, 11 hours a day for 3 weeks working on the Edinburgh Military Tattoo AND working at Venture Scotland, 2 weddings, a two day 1^st aid course, a kayak session and a trip to Glentress mountain biking… I took a week off… And worked on the Bank of Scotland (BOS) end of festival firework concert! No rest for the wicked!

The BOS fireworks concert is the biggest fireworks display in Europe. It is choreographed to a live orchestra (Handel), contained 4.5 tonnes of gross fireworks and lasted for 45 minutes. I took 15 of us 7 days to set up, 45 minutes to fire and 4 hours to clean up after. There is also plenty of social life in the pub!

The fireworks cover the whole area that you can see in this photo, including down the ramparts on the right and in the bays that you can just about see on the left.

My role in this display started off rigging some of the 700 candles to 45 of the racks seen here.

The first three days went well. We had good weather and we got a lot of kit out. Unfortunately, it rained so hard on Thursday and Friday that the waterproofing started to fail… big time. I moved into the firework ‘1^st aid’ tent. We had to bring in the kit that was soaking up the water, try to dry it, rebuild it where necessary, re waterproof it and put it back. This was hugely time consuming, not to mention dangerous and stressful.

Our good start to the week rapidly disappeared as we utilized every bit of daylight to do the 1^st aid, wire it all and then test it all.

We got it all done in the end and here are the photo’s!

My summer of bangs is over... phew - part 2

On the last Friday of the Tattoo I took the day off from my day job (I forgot to mention that I maintained my 9-5 job whilst doing the Tattoo 7-11) to do a pyrotechnic job at the Edinburgh International Conference Centre.

This was a wee piss take of Britain's Got Talent, called TVs Got Talent, as an opening celebration for the Edinburgh International Television Festival. Thank god it was tongue in cheek, I would have hated for it to be too serious! The winning act was a woman who could sing with her mouth shut!

Me on the right in the foreground, Ant and Dec behind on the stage and the big screen.

Here are some of the effects I used...

Silver jet 1/2 20" (1/2 second burn time and maximum height of 20 feet)

70g Flame pot

My summer of bangs is over... phew - part 1

As some of you might know, one of the reasons I chose Antwerp 70.3 was its timing. It was early August. The reason it needed to be in late July or early August is because I spend the summer blowing things up!

The Wednesday after my race I started working on the Edinburgh Military Tattoo. This is 3.5 weeks of massed pipes and drums, plus other acts, matching up and down the Edinburgh Esplanade in front of an audience of 9000.

(Photo by Susie)

My role is to set up, fire and clean up the punctuation fireworks that run through out the 1.5 hour long show.

The mortars (Photo by Lynn)

A Mine (Photo by Lynn)

Loading the mortars with mines (Photo by Lynn)

Cannon Maroons and Gavin (Lynn)

Shells, Gavin and Stuart (Photo by Lynn)

White Water Racer

I had my first session in a White Water Racer (kayak) on Saturday.

A White Water Racer, it was ace!

We went to Loch Ore, in Fife. We were hoping for a nice flat loch where the conditions would challenge me too much. Unfortunately it was pretty windy. Oh well, this is Scotland!

I was expecting to spend a lot of time in the water so I donned my wetsuit. Sure enough, I had capsized within a couple of strokes. Not put out, I swam to shore and got back in. I braced myself, looked at the horizon and paddled. To my surprise and the surprise or my mate, I went a good few hundred meters! And the I capsized. Apparently the challenge of a WWR is staying stable when your still. It is not too bad when your paddling. Sure enough, I could paddle ok if I was heading into the wind but if I tried to turn or stop I would go for a swim.

I only stayed out for an hour before I was shattered. It was great to be learning something new and to do well at it on my 1st time. My mate thought I was going to spend most of my time in the water swimming and having an emotional breakdown! But much to his surprise I only capsized 5 times! I think he was looking forward to a little bit of humour at my expense. Don't worry Al, I'm sure there will be plenty of other occasions!

So what next?

I'm off to New Zealand in January 2010 to compete in the Speight's Coast to Coast race!

This has been on the back burner for a while now but I wanted to focus my energies on Antwerp before I talked about it on my blog.

I have entered the race, I have booked my flights (My bike is coming too for free!) and I have sorted my insurance. All I need to do is find a kayak to race in and plan my itinerary. Oh and learn to white water kayak!

I'm sooooooo excited!

Antwerp race report - Race Day

I woke up after a bad nights sleep to find a very wet day. The day before it was 29C, race day morning it had dropped to 17C! This didn't actually worry me too much. Having trained in Scotland in all weather conditions meant this was normal for me.

We arrived at the start and I put my bike together and checked the tyres. I had planned to do this the day before but it didn't happen. I wasn't happy that the pump was working properly but I had to make do.

I was nice and early at T1 so had lots of time to set up. The pouring rain made it all the more pleasant for my support team. I wasn't too bothered as I was going to get wet anyway!


Chatting to Mum and Dad before the race, looking and feeling quite relaxed.

I looked silly whilst I was lining up at the start. I like to stop talking to people in the few minutes before the start. I close my eyes, breath deeply and run through the race in my head. I got as far as the end of T1 but I just couldn't picture the bike ride.

Lining up in the water.

And we're off!

Mum and Dad looking on, desperately trying to work out which yellow hat was mine. Years of seeing me compete at swim meets was no help in 800m of open water and 100 matching swimmers.

I took every one by surprise by the speed I was out of the water. I was the 13th women and the 1st in my age group!

T1

I have a big grin on my face as I leave T1 but it hides the nerves. I didn't feel as prepared as I could have been. In training I had focused so much on improving my run that I had let my bike slip. I wasn't sure that I could 'race' the distance, though I was fairly sure I would finish. I was also very concerned about eating and drinking enough. Hunger during the run would really make me feel bad and yet I can't run of a full stomach, it is a really fine balance.

The bike ride was a challenge. All was going well until about 1/3 of the way round when I felt my back tyre was sluggish. I stopped to have a look and sure enough, it had lost quite a bit of air. I took the wheel off to try and get a closer look at the tube but I couldn't get the tyre off. In desperation I decided to try to re inflate the tyre. I also thought that maybe I should have practiced with my CO2 gas inflater before the race! Luck was on my side and the tyre inflated. How long it would last I didn't know. An on looker came to help and I tried to say no but he wasn't having any of it. I only had to put my bike back together but when a referee drove past I thought that would be the end of the race.

In trepidation, I got back on my bike. I was so pleased to get to the turn around point but every set of tracks I crossed I flinched. Would my tyre handle it? I made it round lap 2 and was heading back into town, tired, when I made a bad gear change and lost my chain. Wearily, I got off my bike again, sorted myself out and headed off again. I just wanted to get the bike finished. My back was hurting and I was only just holding it together.

I was so pleased to see T2. As I said in the last blog, I wished I had spent more time checking out T2. I was pointed to my rack and the change went well but then I couldn't see the exit. I had to head towards the entrance to ask where the exit was.

Another smile for the cameras. I was so glad to start the run, but I was aware of how far I still had to go. Having the friendly faces of my friend and family really helped. I was smiling for them, I didn't want them to worry. But my smile picked my spirits up too. That first lap was uncomfortable. I ran along the promenade and round to the first aid station where I allowed my self to walk through the station. There were 3 aid stations per lap where I took a wet sponge and some water each time but I only allowed myself the run through that 1st aid station each lap. On my number belt I had four Honey Stinger gels that I would have every 30 min, religiously starting with leaving T2 (I had a fist of malt loaf, 1.5 energy bars and 1500ml of water and energy drink on the bike).

Starting my final lap, still smiling! During the run I kept an eye on the clock on the cathedral that I would pass 4 times. As I passed the clock on my final lap, I realised I had the chance of finish in under 6 hours. I still walked the first aid station but put my head down to maintain my pace. The next aid station I walked to drink some flat Coke, wary that I didn't want to get a stitch at this late stage. I past my friend and family at a different point, still on target. I shouted at them that I was aiming for sub 6hrs. I put my head and upped the pace. Passing through the final aid station I upped the pace again. I turned the corner into the cathedral square and the finishing line and started sprinting. The crowd started cheering and I gave every thing I had.

Finishing was the greatest feeling I have ever had. I had totally blown my expectations out of the water. I had done the training, I had put in the hard work and I had reaped the rewards.

An emotional hug with Mum.

An emotional hug with Dad.

In shock. I kept repeating that I couldn't believe how well I had done. I had my post race plan that I had told my family was just as important as the race plan. They took off my shoes and helped my into my compression tights, helped me on with my down jacket, put a hat on my head and feed me my recovery drink. I looked daft all wrapped up on what had turned into a beautiful afternoon but I didn't care. I know that I would start shaking with cold if I didn't.

We slowly made our way back to T2 to pick up my bike and T1 stuff that had been moved there. The back tyre was totally flat. How lucky had I been!

My amazing support team and me.

Thanks Guy's, I don't think I would have done so well if you hadn't been there. Your cheers and smiles seemed to be everywhere. Thanks to Mum and Dad for driving me there and back and around, for sorting our great accommodation and putting up with my moods. Thanks Suzanne for coming over from Frankfurt and taking such amazing photo's. It has taken me longer than the race to upload them all!

Final results...

108 women took part, I was 70th

I was 13th out of the swim, 1st in my age group

78th on the Bike, 18th in my age group

78th on the Run, 19th in my age group (though this also includes T2)

738th out of 855 completer's, 70th women out of 108, 17th in my age group out of 19.

Final word..

On walking back to T2 after the race I pointed some thing out to Dad.

"Dad" I said, "there is something I haven't said yet"

"What is that?" Asked my Dad

"I've not said I'm never doing it again"

"Yes, I had noticed that"

Watch this space!